Holy Shit Guys I'm Published!

I know this is 2 posts in one day! Freaky.

Check it out. HERE
Leave a comment.

So exciting!

thanks guys

Cerebral Palsy 101

So I had a little shit fit the other day. The boy child has been complaining about having a sore back for a few weeks. At first I thought is was due to a busy day at school or the fact that we slacked off his therapy schedule over the holidays and he was just sore after getting back into our routine.

So finally when I had a few minutes I decided I should take a closer look.

I had him come stand in front of me and do some of his stretches and then I had him bend over while I took a look at his spine.

In my next breath I gasped, and tears immediately filled my eyes. I swear to you I could see a curve on his spine. It was right there staring at me. In an instant the painful teenage years of my brother came flooding back to me. The back brace, the body casts and the eventual surgery that had a steel rod (Harrington rod) fused to his spine. The fact that now twenty years later, his scoliosis is so strong he actually has a curve in the steel rod and nobody knows what to do about it.

I swear to you it was there. I could not get through to my doctor, so I called a dear friend of our who is an Osteopath (who has helped us out on many occassions). She could see him. I was not looking for any diagnosis, just a second set of eyes to tell me if she could see what I see and did she think we should visit our doctor.

Thankfully, after a treatment session, where she was able to loosen up his back muscles a bit. We both determined that there was nothing abnormal about his spine.

That day it must have been tension he was holding is his back to keep his balance or the way he was standing on his feet.

I am so very grateful that we do not have to start dealing with the added bonus of another condition so far.

Life with Cerebral Palsy is tricky most of the time and just when you think you have stuff under control it throws you a curve ball just to keep you on your toes.
:)

What do you believe?

What we believe about ourselves has such a great impact on our lives.

Awhile ago someone shared some early childhood memories and how that has impacted her life and her relationships.

My heart went out to her, my childhood was really pretty good, lots of love, lots of people, lots of hugs and smiles, nothing overly traumatic.

As I thought of this person often over the week that followed I reflected.

Memories started bubbling up for me. The usual ones, being 2-3 yrs old and getting to skip my nap because I was helping my dad build our backyard pool. Not sure if i actually remember this or if I have heard the story so many times I can picture it in my mind. My most "em bare assing" moment, a gymnastic meet where my uniform did not fit properly and I made the ill decision to forgo underwear and follow my coaches instructions to never touch your suit during your routine, you guessed it 2mins of my bare ass hanging out while I turned cartwheels and danced around a highschool gym infront of a couple hundred of my peers and friends. Traumatic yes at the time, but not horrible in the grand scheme of my life. After finding my Mom and crying for an hour and surviving the next month at school the incident slipped from the social conciousness and I was able to continue on.

Then a few more painful ones like being in grade 7 and having my best friend suddenly and with out explaination deciding she did not want to be my friend anymore. then taking it a step further and trying to turn the entire class against me. Again fairly usual stuff although we never regained our friendship and I realized this memory does effect my current life. Next, Gr 8 when the cast list for our School wide play was posted. Clearly posted for all to see was my name in the title role, erased and written over with another girl's name. I am not good enough. Very painful, very acutely aware that life is not fair. Can't remember much about that, I remember writing about it in my homeroom journal and my Gr 8 teacher (who was directing the play) apologizing to me for the insensitivity. I remember gutting it out and performing my part in the play. Because that's what I do. My parents always said life isn't fair. I remember my mom clearly talking to me saying it is only one more year and then I'll be in highschool and there will be so many more people to choose my friends from.

Needless to say, reflecting on some of these memories made me realize how cautious I am with building friendships today. I am standoffish, I do not share alot about myself, it takes a very long time for me to trust people and I guess I never really do, I subscribe to the "time, reason and season" philosophy for friendship and do not expect my friendships to last EVER. Sooner or later everyone finds a reason to not be my friend anymore. I've stopped trying to figure it out, question it, I just believe that someway, somehow it is me and my fault and I just let it go.

Going one step further, I know that it can be hard to be my friend, I never give people alot to go on. I am usually brutally honest and sometimes I know how much that will affect someone but I say it anyway to try to be heard, to try to get my point across. I can be harsh.

I realized I have a tendancy to latch on to one or two people and forgo building other friendships to avoid being "dumped" by many and only to be hurt by a few. Therefore making me look cliquish, or like a snob.

I am usually not very clear or specific when I need something from a friendship and sometimes over promise on support and under deliver. (my perception)


My point being that reading this persons memories and reflecting on my own memories and what they mean or have meant to me, has given me the opportunity to take some time to decide how to proceed with this aspect of my life.

My general philosopy at this point, my past no longer has the right or priveledge to control my future. I want to have valuable friendships where I feel safe, nurtured and there is equality to the give and take, ebb and flow, I want to be supportive and open and trusting.

Friendships come and go for a variety of reasons, I need to stop the belief that it is always me. It is usually a combination, my logical brain knows this.

I want to thank this person for openly sharing a painful piece of herself. It affected me and has helped me work through a part of my psyche, that will open opportunities for me, that will help me understand more about myself and help me feel better about myself.

I am grateful to her.

A more sugar coated version about beliefs is here.


thanks to this person, you know who you are.
:)

Here's the scoop.

I finally have a few minutes to sit down and compose a post just for this blog. I owe it to me to get my thoughts out of my head and free up some space in there. So hang on this could go all over the place I'm not to sure.

First I am finally feeling better, it seems as though the cold and cough have given up and left. I am grateful, however this has left me feeling so far behind. I totally missed January as I was just hanging on for dear life and getting the basics done both at work and at home.

After some quick calculations I realized that I had overspent my monthly grocery budget by almost $500. I want to VOMIT! Now that would be ok if we ate it all but I hate to confess that we threw alot of stuff out because I was too sick to make what I had planned. It was so depressing.

So we are on the menu planning and committment to cooking train. I still overspent on groceries this week. But I am dealing with one issue at a time. The goal this week is to not throw out any perfectly good food!

Also the weekly spending has gone up because I have started buying diapers and formula so that this won't be quite so taxing on our budget once I go on Maternity Leave. Yes I plan on bottle feeding. I had a breast reduction when I was 15 and for anyone counting that was over 20 years ago and let me tell you they just didn't do a real good job back then. Although I will try to breast feed daily, I will not let it rule my life, nor will I subject myself to the bereting of lactation consultants, nurses, or the general public. I will also not subject myself to the painful process of milk coming in and getting "stopped up" in ducts that go no where and cause me unbearable pain. I am 37 years old this is my third child and if you don't like what I am doing, tough shit!

Everyday I wonder how we will make it on a reduced income. This is really perplexing to me since we are in the best financial shape we have ever been in. I mean we actually have an emergency savings account? So I keep asking myself, why are you worrying so much.

I suppose the answer is I am afraid we may have to cut or sacrifice a few things, like EGAD the data plan on my Blackberry yikes. I'm not sure why I am so worried I just know that I am and its a little crazy so I need to develop a plan to get over it.

So the goal for February is to put down in writing our monthly expenses and debt repayment so that WE can see if we need to cut and where and make those decisions before the time comes and we have a negative balance in our account and have to dip into the emergency fund.

Also I think a more realistic fear for me is that. I don't want to go back to work - better then that I don't think I can. I don't think I can continue to work 30 mins from home and manage the lives of three children, one with special needs.

So I suppose the truth of it is I am feeling this deep seeded anxiety over how to make my life work.

We can make it on the reduced income, butwe also enjoy the lifestyle we currently have on the income we currently have. Saving has been relatively painless and we accumulating savings, debt repayment has been ticking on schedule, and we have started working towards our next major household project a new bathroon. All that will have to get rejuggled on 55% of my current income for the next year and who knows how much if I choose not to go back to work.

I've come to recognize that I am in one of those "dark" places in life where I don't really know where I am or what direction I am going in. All I know is I can't stay still I have to keep moving forward and find a way out.

I am using up all my vacation time before my maternity leave in bits and pieces. I'm hoping to clear our some cobwebs(fears) and have some time to think and sit with myself and get my creative thinking going again. I know I am capable of coming up with solutions that will work for me. I have been coasting for so long I just don't remember how.

I thought 2010 would be the best year yet and it still holds that possibility. Now I believe that 2010 is just going to be ALOT more hard work than I thought, but if I can do it. If I put in the time and GUT IT OUT. I believe I will see happiness and more contentment with my journey.

Here's to a year of hard work and creative solutions.
:)

I peed on a stick.....

See what happened...

FOCUS - A Balanced Lifestyle

An email and I cried.

I can't remember if I mentioned it here or not and I can't be bothered to look for it right now.

At the end of August we said goodbye to the boy's Physiotherapist. She had been our therapist for a little over a year, probably one the the longest terms we have had with a physio as we have experienced alot of turn over due to maternity leaves, leaving for husbands, jobs, transitioning to a school age program and worse lay-offs and service cuts.

She was with us this year as were prepared for and experienced a new school year and a major surgery. She was there for us as we rehabbed from this surgery and helped the boy get to a place where he could see that he had more ability than before the surgery. Not easy for a kid who was in full leg casts and a wheelchair for 8 weeks.

She is from the east coast and came here to go to school and ended up getting a job here so she stayed a few more years.

This year however, as she traveled home for several family events and a wedding, she became a little withdrawn. Never with the children, but as an observer I could tell something was off. Without being nosey I assumed maybe a break up with a boyfriend or other relationship or work matters. I never asked.

But by the end of the summer she sat in a annual review meeting and told us that she would be done at the end of August and she was moving back home. I was very upset to say the least. She has been a total blessing to us, she is able to get the best work from my son, he adores her, she is straightforward with me and provides me with any and all information I request from her.

On the other hand I put myself in her shoes and realized how lonely she must be here and how if I live on the coast by the ocean, I'm sure I would only yearn to be back there. Hell I have lived in my region(never more than 15 mins from where I was born) my WHOLE life. I can only imagine her homesickness. So with a brave face for my son and for her I smiled and said how happy I was for her. When on the inside I was grieving.

Fast forward to today when I received an email from her where I could literally feel her happiness with each word she wrote. I won't lie I cried like a baby because I still miss her so much. I think I am fearful that the boy won't do as well or that I will do something wrong without her guidance. Probably because she helped us through an emotional decision (major surgery) and the surgery and rehab was also such an emotional and exhausting time for our family. Maybe that's why I get so emotional. Can you tell I'm emotional? (over use of the word)

We still have no replacement Physio and have been on our own for the last 4 weeks trying to muddle through and create our own treatment program and workout schedule and trying not to FUCK up all the progress that she/we made this summer.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted that this is my problem but then I shouldn't because hey he is my kid and his success is in direct proportion to what I put into raising him. So with that I suck it up and smile.

I sent her back a great update email with all that the boy is doing and being and accomplishing.

And then I cried again. I miss her so much!

Perhaps, it is the strong fear that brings up the emotions

Biting is not tolerated!

oh my quite the weekend here. My hubby is away on a golf trip with his brothers, they started doing it a few years ago and it has been really good for them so I have no problem with them doing a weekend every year.

My problem comes when my children decide to become possessed with the devil and be a total freaking disaster while I am on my own. Seriously.

It all started out so well Friday bedtime went off with no problems (they were beat from school and activities). Saturday, little angels ate their breakfast, helped with laundry and dishes, we went to the girl's first dance class EVER and we had excellent behaviour and even when we went to the dance store after to acquire some tap shoes things were going so good. A quick stop for lunch at nonnas, then we were off to the dollar store for a few things and a toy each because of such good behaviour, then finally the grocery store where they were again so delightful and helpful I was so proud.

Cut to getting home and all hell breaks lose, the portal to hell(apparently my living room) open up and there was fighting, kicking, screaming, no sharing, and then it happened, while I was hiding away in the boys room putting away laundry I heard it...something like a struggle, some grunting some pushing and then the great cry rang out through the house. I ignored it for a minute but then it got louder and had a more "hurt" tone to it.

What is going on here? I say innocently figuring the girl just got a misplaced hand to the eye.
He said, The girl took my dollor store toy and wouldn't give it back.
I said, so what did you do?
He said, I bit her.
I said, Mr. Full Name of child, THAT IS WRONG! Go sit on the stairs until I tell you to move.

I check out the girl and the welt on her back is already rising. I grab some ice and give her some loving. I look at him and tell him I just don't know what to say.

He starts to cry that she took the toy and wouldn\t give it back.

NOTE: I have them on a sitcker chart for things like cleaning up, being polite, sharing, brushing their teeth, etc.

I confirmed that the girl did infact take the toy, thus explaining why I had heard naa, naa, naa, naa, naa shortly before the crying and screaming.

The end result:

Biting is not tolerated it is violent and it hurts people, sometimes bad enough that they have to go to the doctor ( the boy understands doctors). Taking toys away is not tolerated, this hurst peoples feeling and is not how we act.

The punishment:

No sharing sitcker, how hurray sticker for having a great day, no cookies at dinner time and you have to tell your nonna and nonno why you may not have any cookies at dinner time (we were going there for dinner). No wii and no t.v. tonight after dinner.

Swift and memorable. Did not want them to worry all weekend until their dad came home. But they will have to tell dad about the absence of stickers on their Saturday line on the chart.

Over all I'd say I handled it well. I really did not know what to do. I was so shocked.

What have you done. In this situation??

Freedom... Coming Soon

Well it seems like most of my blogging friends are taking a break, which means I should pick up the ball because I have been on a blogging break for a week or two already.

One Friend is anxiously awaiting the end of school so she can get on with her life and move to a new city!

Another is taking a step back and looking at her life with new eyes so she can get revved up about her awesome life again.

And me well I am just hanging out here with a boy in two casts who is about to burst at the seems with excitement that they are coming off on Tuesday and he will be able to move his ankles again.

We have been marking off the days on a calendar since he has been in casts for basically 7 weeks. The other night he said the cutest most innocent thing. "Mom, Will I be able to stand when I get my casts off? How will that work??"

The truth of it is that it will be really hard for awhile but with hard work and time he will be able to stand pretty well I imagine.

I never realized how tight his tendons were and how they were effecting his posture until he stood up straight for the first time. The kid had grown almost 3 inches if not a bit more. Amazing.

I'll try to keep up the posting in the next little while so my other entertaining friends can tend to their families and themselves and take a bloggie break.

Till tomorrow.

A funny little story... me and my motorcycle

As you may be aware they past month has not been easy on our family. However, we have perserved to meet our obligations to family, friends and work. Some had to be cancelled ie scrapbooking with my mom's group and co-workers, a charity 5k run and speaking engagement for me and the boy, Dad had to miss a few days of work to help me out when I was just completely overwhelmed and not getting much sleep and the poor girl had to deal with being shuffled around all over the place.

Some obligations could not be cancelled due to policies and amount of money invested. Case in point Motorcycle training course with my Aunt Chopper and it cost me $420.00 for course $17.50 to write my M1 beginners, 15.99 for training manual, $65.00 for pair of leather gloves, $147.00 for new DOT approved helmut and miscellaneous lunch, coffee and snacks. Friday Night, All day Saturday and All day Sunday. Hilarity and sheer grit ensued.

First night is training videos and going over some of the questions that will most likely be on the written test. I really can't recall what went on from 7-10pm because in case you didn't read the beginning of the last paragraph i was EXHAUSTED. they gave us some little booklet and a couple of sheets of paper and I shoved them in my bag. Got home made some cupcakes that are required for a Mother's day dinner that I will not see and left instructions with hubby about how to go about having the kids decorate them. Still no grocery shopping, start scrounging in cupboards for lunch items because I am informed that lunch breaks are actually part of the in class training time. Hubby offers me a beer which I drink because I am a little keyed up now that I know I am literally hours away from driving a motorcycle. Oh and did I mention that at about 9pm it has started to rain and the weather forcast says all day rain for tomorrow. YIP E Fucking EEE!

Saturday... darling little munchkins awake at 5AM for miscellaneous foolery like being cold, needing blankets and having to pee. Don't really get any extra sleep before I give up and get out of bed for good at 6:15 AM. Finish packing up massive lunch, pack RAINSUIT and rest of my gear. Auntie picks me up with fear and excitement in her eyes, I just need a frickin coffee.

Get to course we are second last ones in our seats... who are all these keeners...they obviously don't have children. 5mins we are suited up and out to the bikes....what no kiss first??? Find a bike find neutral and start pushing.

First exercise is to push a partner on the bike to get the feel for balance. Chubby girl dumps bike while trying to make a turn. this is not looking good. I decide to push Auntie first. Pushing Auntie on bike in full rainsuit is like running 5k this sucks! Time for Auntie to push me! I don't think I can do this..... Auntie just pushes me anyway and tells me not to be a sissy. I am trembling but I survive.

Now we have to start the bikes... Is this guy insane didn't he see me trembling I am clearly not ready for this. Oh yes I am. Just keep the clutch in and nothing bad can happen. My clutch hand HURTS ALOT!

It starts to rain, because hey why the hell not. I have paid good money to come out here to learn to ride a motorcycle and I want to be prepared for anything.

We rode in pouring rain, hail, 45 kph winds. About 4pm on Saturday I just pull my bike over to the curb, turn it off, sit down on the curb and cry. When all the instructors rush over to see what is wrong I scream I am FUCKING tired you idiots! We ride until 5:30pm and watch a few more videos.

On the way home we discuss how tired we are and how tomorrow is really going to suck but HEY the weather is supposed to be better tomorrow just a little colder. Note to self: pack turtle neck and extra sweater.

I get home and hubby has taken kids out for dinner, I have a glorious hot shower and proceed to smother my body with A535 and a special Arnica gel my massage therapist gave me. Now I think I smell worse. I take an Advil and wait for it to kick in. We put the kids to bed and hubby says " you better go to...full day tomorrow" Whaaaaaaa!

Sunday I wake up and take a quick inventory ooooouuuucccchhhhh! I don't think it hurts to open my LEFT EYE but that is about it. Every muscle, joint and skin cell is shrieking!

I roll out of bed and start to get ready. Drink my coffee and ignore the regular morning chaos of our house because I know if I lose focus, determination for one second the motivation will leave me and I will curl up in the fetal position and not move for a week.

Auntie picks me up and she looks like how I feel, we don't discuss anything on the way to school, we silently doubt our coping skills and ponder how we will make it through the day.

More riding, but it seems to go better to day, more challenges but feeling alittle more confident. Classroom session The written test - that I did not study for because my body required SLEEP. Write test botch about 3 questions that I knew the answer to. Luckily did not affect my results. We Pass. Thank you Jesus, Budha, Confusious, and all the saints.

Now out for more riding and this is where the funny shit starts happening. We have to do a passenger ride. Auntie just about implodes and she has no interest in this. I have frankly come to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm willing to try anything. I travel as a passenger first since I travel as a passenger all the time and I'm good at it. Besides I could use more of a break. It is a weird feeling and we make it through our obstacle course with more than a few chuckles. Now it's my turn to drive and she will NOT get on the bike. WHAT!
Me: Get on the bike
Her: Not sure if I can
Me: What do you mean? Get on the bike?
Her: This doesn't feel safe? Are you sure?
Me: Sure I'm sure I'm not about to do anything if I don't think it's safe. GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: I don't want to.
Me: I dont' care! we are the last ones, get on the damn bike!
Her: Okay Let me see.
Me: One foot then the other and GET ON THE BIKE!
Her Okay okay! But you go home and tell your dad you killed his sister!
Me: Fine! it's okay there are 4 more of you, I'm good!
Her: Not funny!
Me: GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: Hey this is not so bad, you're doing good, keep going, you're doing good, good balance, nice shoulder check, good gear shift.
ME: Auntie if you want to live you need to SHUT UP so I can focus and not get us hurt.

Hilarity ensued and we laughed our way through the course as I ran over a few pylons and she said we must look like dumb and dumber - two grown women riding around on a tiny little bike. It was so funny we couldn't stop laughing but I guess you had to been there to truly appreciate it. Our instructors found us quite funny as well and that is good because we were the last ones to complete the course and our entire class was laughing at us laughing. I needed that laugh just to relax.

The course was so much easier after that and then it was test time. The test was so much easier then the class course and although most of my classmates were REALLY nervous (including Auntie)they made little errors and received a few deductions. I was quite calm and aced my test with a perfect ride! SWEET!

I am now the proud owner of an GM2 licence in the province of Ontario.

Now only if I could use my arms because they are soooooooo sore I can barely butter toast or turn the ignition key in my car.

HELP!

Post Op Update

I should be cooking dinner...

Well we are at 14 days post op and tomorrow we can get him on his feet and see if he can stand in the casts. This should make the whole toileting arrangement go smoother. Not a moment too soon. My chest muscles and lower back muscles are protesting big time! Everytime I breathe it hurts. I was at the doctor last week because I thought I was have heart or lung problems, Not so much...just stop lifting heavy things. Easy for her to say she doesn't have to try to get a 5 year old in and out of bed everyday.

Even scooching him up in his chair or on the couch pulls those pecs and not in a good way.

Now that I have gained some perspective I'm hoping to be able to write a little about this experience for other families who NEED to know what they are getting into.

It sounds all wonderful when the surgeon describes the positive outcomes and that many children are able to walk really well after surgery and rehab.

But they do not do a very good job of describing just how you are going to get through 2 weeks of sheer HELL and then 3 months of rehab to get to the glorious moment of easier movement for the child. Damn Surgeons, such pricks( and ours is a female)(kinda like lady cops, take themselves very seriously)


Suffice it to say it has been an experience, pain, poop, crying and laughing.

If I ever get two minutes to myself again I will tell you about it.

Pediatric Surgery Checklist

Here are a few things that we found very helpful to pack for when we took our 5 year old with Cerebral Palsy in for surgery.

Favorite sleep toy
mini juice boxes (sometimes they don't trust what the nurses are bringing them)
own blanket
own pillow
Extra pillows to prop up parts that have been put in Casts
pull ups (they don't always have enough control)
Children's tylenol or motrin incase they refuse to take the stuff the nurse has in the syringe to squirt in their mouth
Extra towels
Cloths
Wipes
A bucket
Barf Bags

We took him in, in his clothes but we brought his jammies to take him home in

Do a test run on how the child will fit in the car/carseat - Very important! we had to make a last minute call to borrow my parents truck when we realized that the boy and the wheelchair would not fit in the car at the same time. Doh!

Get your rental a week ahead of time so you can test it out, the kids get used to it and you can do the dry run mentioned above. It is worth the extra money.

Take said wheelchair with you. You'll appreciate knowing how everything works and the kid will not throw a fit at yet another new thing.

Read all paperwork very carefully at the hospital - If I would not have gone through our stuff they would have only done the surgery on one side and we would have to go back again. (boo hiss)

Feel free to have the surgeon explain the procedure to you AGAIN so that you know what is going to happen.

if I think of more i will add them.

Gotta go! Patient is calling.

Tendon Legthening surgery

So we are day 6 post op on the tendon legthening surgery for the boy's hamstrings and heel cords. He is pissed. he is mad he has lost mobility around the house.

Couple that with the fact that he cannot sit at a 90 degree angle yet, so we had to get creative with the toilet arrangements. Which involve a "pull up" vs a "diaper" the first time he had to do his business in the "pull up" he was so horrified. I feel sooooo bad for the little guy.

He is complaining less and less everyday which is giving me a little more time to catch up on all things internet, so I should be able to clear the back log of emails and post a little longer commentary on the surgery for those who are searching out these things.

Be back tomorrow. I still have lots of running around to do this afternoon just waiting for my Mom to come over to sit with the kids while I run out to get more pain meds, a small body pillow, cucumbers, and a well deserved massage for mummy.

Till tomorrow!

Coffee maker broken vs Renewing the mortgage

This we are finalizing the renewal of our mortgage. It has been an exhausting couple of weeks trying to "get it together" and decide what we are going to do. We have some renovations we would like to do so we were considering applying for a home equity line of credit secured under our mortgage.

However, our banking agent was a total schiester about it and tried to screw us over on several levels, several times. So F her. We are renewing for a 1 year term renewable in 6 months and needless to say we will be looking elsewhere. Maybe I will write a longer and more detailed post about later this week since I can finally breathe easier knowing are home is still partly ours.

If you think that was tough this Monday was WAY better then last Monday when.......

OUR COFFEEMAKER BROKE ahhhhhhhhh! The two day old microwaved coffee saved the day and possibly my sanity.

Poor hubby was instructed to not come home unless carrying a coffeemaker.

He upgraded, we now have a coffee maker with a timer! WOOT!

Being a Working Mom SUCKS - Part 2

I am sitting here well past the time that I should be getting ready to go to work. Why? I know this is going to make my life miserable today if I don't get my ass in gear. But I just don't want to. I have a project that is overdue through no fault of my own, I have been waiting and waiting, remindings, asking and pleading for the information I need to complete this project. Now I have to go to the boss and I'm sure there will be a flip out because it should be done already. ANYWAY....

I would think its my strong tendency for avoiding public humiliation that is making me plant my but on the couch and write this silly little diddy instead of getting up and getting my shit together and getting to work.

I just want to play playdoeh with my kids today and read to them and see what's going on in their world. Is that so bad. But with 4 sick days and a vacation day under my belt for January alone, I would think I best get my butt to work. Ugghh!

so I better only spend another moment wallowing in this wasteland of pity and then go try to find an outfit that mildly makes me look put together and get dressed in 10 mins, wrestle the kids into something and get on the move.

Maybe if I don't look like an unfinished project no one will assume that anything is wrong.

Here's to a day that I will be glad when it's over!

Being a working mom Sucks today!

I am having one of THOSE days. My kids are sick. I am at a critical point in a project at work. I am tired from being up all night with kids who "just need someone to talk to" or just want to "cuddle" that is when they are not crapping their pants or coughing so hard they throw up.

I have done 3 set of sheets in the last 12 hours. I am tired. Tired of people coughing and sneezing on me. tired of blowing and wiping noses. tired of changing diapers and sheets. tired of pretending that I am concerned about next steps in this project when I just want to sit on the couch and cuddle my babies.

I took on this extra project because I was bored and wanted to show management that I am capable and interested in co-ordinating these projects...and I am.

It just seems like something always goes wrong at home and interferes with my plans.

I finally got my computer set up so I can link into work from home and manage my email and access docs on our server and that has helped at least for today.

I still just have this guilty feeling that someone is pissed off that I'm not at work. but the reality of it is I'm probably the only one who cares.

And honestly what is most important. My Kids! period.

So I guess I just need to get over it. anyone have some inner peace they can share with me today?
-

New Product - Illness B Gone

I wish!

Today the bug woke up with Laryngitis, which required some serious fancy footwork on my part. Our babysitter has not been feeling well and so I just could not send him to the sitters or when I knew he was dealing with something. School was not an option because we just got a nice note home from school saying, " For shits sake people quit sending your sick kids here" Well that's not actually what it said. I may have paraphrased a little.

However, hubby was only too happy to hear of my emergency and come to my rescue since he is stuck working outside today and it is a balmy MINUS 22 degress here in our winter wonderland. Can you say darling you saved my life.

So I have a few minutes here before he gets home and then I am off to work where I will have to put in a few extra hours tonight to off set my late start this morning.

I hate when mondays start this way!

How about you? A smooth monday or a rough monday??

-

John Travolta Do we really need to know?

Can I just say....do we really need to know.
Thispopped up yesterday on my yahoo news.

I turned on the TV last night and there was Mark Steines from Entertainment Tonight, station in Florida, ready to provide me with the "lastest" upto the minute details of the Funeral arrangements for Jett Travolta. I felt the bile rise in my throat.

I'm in a paradox (is that a correct way to say it) on one hand if it was John Travolta's arrangements I may have a morbid curiosity that would make me look for this type of information.

But this is his CHILD, so I find myself revolted by the fact that we can't just let this family be, to grieve and handle their arrangements without press releases, statements, and decoy hearsts.

I buy the magazines (although not this year 2009 magazine free Day 7), I read the gossip blogs and watch ET. This has gone over my line I do not feel good about this.

My heart goes out to this family as it would for any other family that has lost a child. As much as you want to know information, sometimes its not for us to know and that needs to be OKAY.

-

New Buggy to Push

Seeing as how I was off today I decided to do one thing that would make me feel productive about my day.

I have been trying to search for a new stroller for us. Although the BugaLoo is doing fantastic with his therapy. Even though he is getting stronger and stronger and walking longer and longer. Even though he rarely uses his walker at school anymore (except on those days when it's his turn to take the attendance to the office). There are times when having a stroller for him would make his day and ours more enjoyable. Anywhere there are long distances between destinations, for example; the parking lot and the hospital where he receives his botox injections, the fairgrounds in my hometown, the museum, large all day events like picnics or when we took him to "A Day out with Thomas"

So I started looking today and I really like This Baby. Not sure how economic it will be to ship from the UK but I will check into it. I also found This which will work great and can hold a maximum of 110 lbs.

Time to get dinner started.

Botox, flu shot and Casts for AFOs

What a week we are having. And our week started on Friday. Friday we travelled to our Orthopedic Surgeon's hospital so that she could do Botox injections on the Bugaloo legs. (If your new here you can read about his CP in the CP posts)

This time our appointment was at 2:30pm which meant the Bug could each jello and drink until 10am and we did not have to leave for the hospital until 10:30am. (I'm not sure if this was better than leaving at 8:30 and trying to cram jello into him in the car until 9am). We get to the hospital (1hr 15 mins drive from our home)get registered, pick up our prescription at the pharmacy and then check in at the pedatric day surgery unit. There we (i mean the bug) is weighed, measured, blood pressured, heart and lungs checked out, we answer amillion questions and then...we WAIT. and wait some more and just when you start to get antsy, we wait some more.

Then finally one of us (this time me) gets to carry him in to the procedure room and try to calm a child that is freaking out because they are going to put a mask over his face that is going to make him go to sleep. (that's the hard part) I try telling him a story about the time I broke my arm when I was his age and had to have it fixed and they had to put a mask on my face and ..... he's not buying it. So I hold him while he crys and in seconds he falls asleep and I have to leave my little man there on the table. (It does get easy, not better, but easier)

15 mins later the doctor comes to tell us that she gave him 16 injections, he's waking up and asking for us and a pink popsicle.

We go to see him in recovery and he starts to cry. (this happens every time) We calm him and let him know he is safe. He finishes his popsicle and asks when can we go home. Soon buddy soon. About this time the hunger and thirst kick in. Apple juice, no problem. After an hour, the last set of checks, blood pressure, temp, and circulation, we are given the go ahead to leave. It is now 4:15pm and we are all starving, hubster and I had breakfast but no lunch and split a bag of chips and bottle of water in the waiting room. East Side Marios is right across from the hospital so we decide to go for it. They tell us to take it easy that heave food will make him sick after the anesthetic, but we decide to go for it!

We eat our fill and head home. What a day!

Tuesday I had to take the kids for flu shots and the Bug needed an immunization for school. The kids were soooo good. I can forgive the 3 minutes of full on chaos that ensued when the needles came out. The BUG looked right at the doctor and said,"that was horrible, just horrible". the doc tried to supress a giggle, but the bug caught her and gave her a dirty look. the peanut screamed bloody murder but who can blame her, she was second and already new what was coming.

Whoppee we're having fun now!

Today, we are going to orthotics clinic to get casted for new AFOs since the Bug had Botox and is also growing like a weed.

Today will be alot of waiting, we hope they are on time but will pack lots of snacks and activities since our appointment time is close to lunch and will probably span over the lunch hour.

thankfully this ends our medical appointments until the new year and we can look forward to celebrating the bug's birthday (24th) and Christmas.

Hoping your week is going better than mine. hang in there it's almost over.

Wrapping Party - It's a good thing!

Ah! I just had the most fun.

A few weeks ago I received an invitation for a Wrappping party. mmmmm. What new party plan could this be???

No party plan. Just a Party with a Plan. My friend A invited her girlfriends over for food and drinks and to get their Christmas wrapping done! Oh My God! What a great idea! Why didn't I think of this before. No more mad wrapping a 2AM. What will I do with my time.

Anyway, all teacher, therapist, co-worker, miscellaneous gift exchange gifts WRAPPED!

I still wanted to wrap the kids gifts with the hubster, because HEY that's our thing.

But all the other.. DONE, DONE, and DONE SWEET

And that's a WRAP!