Here's the scoop.

I finally have a few minutes to sit down and compose a post just for this blog. I owe it to me to get my thoughts out of my head and free up some space in there. So hang on this could go all over the place I'm not to sure.

First I am finally feeling better, it seems as though the cold and cough have given up and left. I am grateful, however this has left me feeling so far behind. I totally missed January as I was just hanging on for dear life and getting the basics done both at work and at home.

After some quick calculations I realized that I had overspent my monthly grocery budget by almost $500. I want to VOMIT! Now that would be ok if we ate it all but I hate to confess that we threw alot of stuff out because I was too sick to make what I had planned. It was so depressing.

So we are on the menu planning and committment to cooking train. I still overspent on groceries this week. But I am dealing with one issue at a time. The goal this week is to not throw out any perfectly good food!

Also the weekly spending has gone up because I have started buying diapers and formula so that this won't be quite so taxing on our budget once I go on Maternity Leave. Yes I plan on bottle feeding. I had a breast reduction when I was 15 and for anyone counting that was over 20 years ago and let me tell you they just didn't do a real good job back then. Although I will try to breast feed daily, I will not let it rule my life, nor will I subject myself to the bereting of lactation consultants, nurses, or the general public. I will also not subject myself to the painful process of milk coming in and getting "stopped up" in ducts that go no where and cause me unbearable pain. I am 37 years old this is my third child and if you don't like what I am doing, tough shit!

Everyday I wonder how we will make it on a reduced income. This is really perplexing to me since we are in the best financial shape we have ever been in. I mean we actually have an emergency savings account? So I keep asking myself, why are you worrying so much.

I suppose the answer is I am afraid we may have to cut or sacrifice a few things, like EGAD the data plan on my Blackberry yikes. I'm not sure why I am so worried I just know that I am and its a little crazy so I need to develop a plan to get over it.

So the goal for February is to put down in writing our monthly expenses and debt repayment so that WE can see if we need to cut and where and make those decisions before the time comes and we have a negative balance in our account and have to dip into the emergency fund.

Also I think a more realistic fear for me is that. I don't want to go back to work - better then that I don't think I can. I don't think I can continue to work 30 mins from home and manage the lives of three children, one with special needs.

So I suppose the truth of it is I am feeling this deep seeded anxiety over how to make my life work.

We can make it on the reduced income, butwe also enjoy the lifestyle we currently have on the income we currently have. Saving has been relatively painless and we accumulating savings, debt repayment has been ticking on schedule, and we have started working towards our next major household project a new bathroon. All that will have to get rejuggled on 55% of my current income for the next year and who knows how much if I choose not to go back to work.

I've come to recognize that I am in one of those "dark" places in life where I don't really know where I am or what direction I am going in. All I know is I can't stay still I have to keep moving forward and find a way out.

I am using up all my vacation time before my maternity leave in bits and pieces. I'm hoping to clear our some cobwebs(fears) and have some time to think and sit with myself and get my creative thinking going again. I know I am capable of coming up with solutions that will work for me. I have been coasting for so long I just don't remember how.

I thought 2010 would be the best year yet and it still holds that possibility. Now I believe that 2010 is just going to be ALOT more hard work than I thought, but if I can do it. If I put in the time and GUT IT OUT. I believe I will see happiness and more contentment with my journey.

Here's to a year of hard work and creative solutions.
:)

I peed on a stick.....

See what happened...

FOCUS - A Balanced Lifestyle

Green School Lunches

Taking about Green school lunches and how to get started over here at A Balanced Lifestyle.

An email and I cried.

I can't remember if I mentioned it here or not and I can't be bothered to look for it right now.

At the end of August we said goodbye to the boy's Physiotherapist. She had been our therapist for a little over a year, probably one the the longest terms we have had with a physio as we have experienced alot of turn over due to maternity leaves, leaving for husbands, jobs, transitioning to a school age program and worse lay-offs and service cuts.

She was with us this year as were prepared for and experienced a new school year and a major surgery. She was there for us as we rehabbed from this surgery and helped the boy get to a place where he could see that he had more ability than before the surgery. Not easy for a kid who was in full leg casts and a wheelchair for 8 weeks.

She is from the east coast and came here to go to school and ended up getting a job here so she stayed a few more years.

This year however, as she traveled home for several family events and a wedding, she became a little withdrawn. Never with the children, but as an observer I could tell something was off. Without being nosey I assumed maybe a break up with a boyfriend or other relationship or work matters. I never asked.

But by the end of the summer she sat in a annual review meeting and told us that she would be done at the end of August and she was moving back home. I was very upset to say the least. She has been a total blessing to us, she is able to get the best work from my son, he adores her, she is straightforward with me and provides me with any and all information I request from her.

On the other hand I put myself in her shoes and realized how lonely she must be here and how if I live on the coast by the ocean, I'm sure I would only yearn to be back there. Hell I have lived in my region(never more than 15 mins from where I was born) my WHOLE life. I can only imagine her homesickness. So with a brave face for my son and for her I smiled and said how happy I was for her. When on the inside I was grieving.

Fast forward to today when I received an email from her where I could literally feel her happiness with each word she wrote. I won't lie I cried like a baby because I still miss her so much. I think I am fearful that the boy won't do as well or that I will do something wrong without her guidance. Probably because she helped us through an emotional decision (major surgery) and the surgery and rehab was also such an emotional and exhausting time for our family. Maybe that's why I get so emotional. Can you tell I'm emotional? (over use of the word)

We still have no replacement Physio and have been on our own for the last 4 weeks trying to muddle through and create our own treatment program and workout schedule and trying not to FUCK up all the progress that she/we made this summer.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted that this is my problem but then I shouldn't because hey he is my kid and his success is in direct proportion to what I put into raising him. So with that I suck it up and smile.

I sent her back a great update email with all that the boy is doing and being and accomplishing.

And then I cried again. I miss her so much!

Perhaps, it is the strong fear that brings up the emotions

Positive Habit

Just did a post on A Balanced Lifestyle that I thought might be helpful.

For those of us who are overwhelmed, worn out, stressed and feeling out of control.

This positive habit is not for everyone as I know some of you are already getting up at the "crack of the vampires have not gone to sleep yet", but others may find a way to adapt to their own reality and make it work for them.

Biting is not tolerated!

oh my quite the weekend here. My hubby is away on a golf trip with his brothers, they started doing it a few years ago and it has been really good for them so I have no problem with them doing a weekend every year.

My problem comes when my children decide to become possessed with the devil and be a total freaking disaster while I am on my own. Seriously.

It all started out so well Friday bedtime went off with no problems (they were beat from school and activities). Saturday, little angels ate their breakfast, helped with laundry and dishes, we went to the girl's first dance class EVER and we had excellent behaviour and even when we went to the dance store after to acquire some tap shoes things were going so good. A quick stop for lunch at nonnas, then we were off to the dollar store for a few things and a toy each because of such good behaviour, then finally the grocery store where they were again so delightful and helpful I was so proud.

Cut to getting home and all hell breaks lose, the portal to hell(apparently my living room) open up and there was fighting, kicking, screaming, no sharing, and then it happened, while I was hiding away in the boys room putting away laundry I heard it...something like a struggle, some grunting some pushing and then the great cry rang out through the house. I ignored it for a minute but then it got louder and had a more "hurt" tone to it.

What is going on here? I say innocently figuring the girl just got a misplaced hand to the eye.
He said, The girl took my dollor store toy and wouldn't give it back.
I said, so what did you do?
He said, I bit her.
I said, Mr. Full Name of child, THAT IS WRONG! Go sit on the stairs until I tell you to move.

I check out the girl and the welt on her back is already rising. I grab some ice and give her some loving. I look at him and tell him I just don't know what to say.

He starts to cry that she took the toy and wouldn\t give it back.

NOTE: I have them on a sitcker chart for things like cleaning up, being polite, sharing, brushing their teeth, etc.

I confirmed that the girl did infact take the toy, thus explaining why I had heard naa, naa, naa, naa, naa shortly before the crying and screaming.

The end result:

Biting is not tolerated it is violent and it hurts people, sometimes bad enough that they have to go to the doctor ( the boy understands doctors). Taking toys away is not tolerated, this hurst peoples feeling and is not how we act.

The punishment:

No sharing sitcker, how hurray sticker for having a great day, no cookies at dinner time and you have to tell your nonna and nonno why you may not have any cookies at dinner time (we were going there for dinner). No wii and no t.v. tonight after dinner.

Swift and memorable. Did not want them to worry all weekend until their dad came home. But they will have to tell dad about the absence of stickers on their Saturday line on the chart.

Over all I'd say I handled it well. I really did not know what to do. I was so shocked.

What have you done. In this situation??

Living Room Reno - Week 2

So I started this post earlier today with the intent to tell you all the annoying/charming little things about living at my in-laws. Like the dryer to rival Minivan mom's. It takes literally 3 hours to dry 10 pairs of childrens' size 3 underwear and socks...honestly.

or I could tell you about the wicked awful sore throat and yucky feelingness that I have been experiencing for the last three days.

But really all I can tell you about it how my baby girl is really having a tough time sleeping in this house( i don't blame her) it is hot as balls in this house.

I think she is getting too hot in her room (she is sharing with her brother)and comes to sleep with me because its cooler. Ever morning about 3am she slips into bed beside me.

Tonight it is really hot and she just showed up at the door, she stayed for a half hour or so just enough to cool down and then went back to her room because the typing and reading light was bothering her (mean mommy) I'm sure she will be back in a few hours and I can hardly wait. It's not behaviour I want to encourage at all because it will take forever to undo it. But I have to admit I am savoring every last second that she sneaks in and lies beside me. I love it.

hubby has been sleeping a few nights here in the awful bed. a DOUBLE and a few nights at home in our glorious 3 month old Queen bed of awesomeness. I seriously better get a few weekends of sleeping in after this is all done.

We are on track so far to have drywall up this week and paint and carpet done next week which should have us moving back into our own house 2 days before the in-laws get home.

We may not have all the furniture bought yet but who cares I can sleep in my own bed again. thanks be to all that is good and holy!

A funny little story... me and my motorcycle

As you may be aware they past month has not been easy on our family. However, we have perserved to meet our obligations to family, friends and work. Some had to be cancelled ie scrapbooking with my mom's group and co-workers, a charity 5k run and speaking engagement for me and the boy, Dad had to miss a few days of work to help me out when I was just completely overwhelmed and not getting much sleep and the poor girl had to deal with being shuffled around all over the place.

Some obligations could not be cancelled due to policies and amount of money invested. Case in point Motorcycle training course with my Aunt Chopper and it cost me $420.00 for course $17.50 to write my M1 beginners, 15.99 for training manual, $65.00 for pair of leather gloves, $147.00 for new DOT approved helmut and miscellaneous lunch, coffee and snacks. Friday Night, All day Saturday and All day Sunday. Hilarity and sheer grit ensued.

First night is training videos and going over some of the questions that will most likely be on the written test. I really can't recall what went on from 7-10pm because in case you didn't read the beginning of the last paragraph i was EXHAUSTED. they gave us some little booklet and a couple of sheets of paper and I shoved them in my bag. Got home made some cupcakes that are required for a Mother's day dinner that I will not see and left instructions with hubby about how to go about having the kids decorate them. Still no grocery shopping, start scrounging in cupboards for lunch items because I am informed that lunch breaks are actually part of the in class training time. Hubby offers me a beer which I drink because I am a little keyed up now that I know I am literally hours away from driving a motorcycle. Oh and did I mention that at about 9pm it has started to rain and the weather forcast says all day rain for tomorrow. YIP E Fucking EEE!

Saturday... darling little munchkins awake at 5AM for miscellaneous foolery like being cold, needing blankets and having to pee. Don't really get any extra sleep before I give up and get out of bed for good at 6:15 AM. Finish packing up massive lunch, pack RAINSUIT and rest of my gear. Auntie picks me up with fear and excitement in her eyes, I just need a frickin coffee.

Get to course we are second last ones in our seats... who are all these keeners...they obviously don't have children. 5mins we are suited up and out to the bikes....what no kiss first??? Find a bike find neutral and start pushing.

First exercise is to push a partner on the bike to get the feel for balance. Chubby girl dumps bike while trying to make a turn. this is not looking good. I decide to push Auntie first. Pushing Auntie on bike in full rainsuit is like running 5k this sucks! Time for Auntie to push me! I don't think I can do this..... Auntie just pushes me anyway and tells me not to be a sissy. I am trembling but I survive.

Now we have to start the bikes... Is this guy insane didn't he see me trembling I am clearly not ready for this. Oh yes I am. Just keep the clutch in and nothing bad can happen. My clutch hand HURTS ALOT!

It starts to rain, because hey why the hell not. I have paid good money to come out here to learn to ride a motorcycle and I want to be prepared for anything.

We rode in pouring rain, hail, 45 kph winds. About 4pm on Saturday I just pull my bike over to the curb, turn it off, sit down on the curb and cry. When all the instructors rush over to see what is wrong I scream I am FUCKING tired you idiots! We ride until 5:30pm and watch a few more videos.

On the way home we discuss how tired we are and how tomorrow is really going to suck but HEY the weather is supposed to be better tomorrow just a little colder. Note to self: pack turtle neck and extra sweater.

I get home and hubby has taken kids out for dinner, I have a glorious hot shower and proceed to smother my body with A535 and a special Arnica gel my massage therapist gave me. Now I think I smell worse. I take an Advil and wait for it to kick in. We put the kids to bed and hubby says " you better go to...full day tomorrow" Whaaaaaaa!

Sunday I wake up and take a quick inventory ooooouuuucccchhhhh! I don't think it hurts to open my LEFT EYE but that is about it. Every muscle, joint and skin cell is shrieking!

I roll out of bed and start to get ready. Drink my coffee and ignore the regular morning chaos of our house because I know if I lose focus, determination for one second the motivation will leave me and I will curl up in the fetal position and not move for a week.

Auntie picks me up and she looks like how I feel, we don't discuss anything on the way to school, we silently doubt our coping skills and ponder how we will make it through the day.

More riding, but it seems to go better to day, more challenges but feeling alittle more confident. Classroom session The written test - that I did not study for because my body required SLEEP. Write test botch about 3 questions that I knew the answer to. Luckily did not affect my results. We Pass. Thank you Jesus, Budha, Confusious, and all the saints.

Now out for more riding and this is where the funny shit starts happening. We have to do a passenger ride. Auntie just about implodes and she has no interest in this. I have frankly come to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm willing to try anything. I travel as a passenger first since I travel as a passenger all the time and I'm good at it. Besides I could use more of a break. It is a weird feeling and we make it through our obstacle course with more than a few chuckles. Now it's my turn to drive and she will NOT get on the bike. WHAT!
Me: Get on the bike
Her: Not sure if I can
Me: What do you mean? Get on the bike?
Her: This doesn't feel safe? Are you sure?
Me: Sure I'm sure I'm not about to do anything if I don't think it's safe. GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: I don't want to.
Me: I dont' care! we are the last ones, get on the damn bike!
Her: Okay Let me see.
Me: One foot then the other and GET ON THE BIKE!
Her Okay okay! But you go home and tell your dad you killed his sister!
Me: Fine! it's okay there are 4 more of you, I'm good!
Her: Not funny!
Me: GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: Hey this is not so bad, you're doing good, keep going, you're doing good, good balance, nice shoulder check, good gear shift.
ME: Auntie if you want to live you need to SHUT UP so I can focus and not get us hurt.

Hilarity ensued and we laughed our way through the course as I ran over a few pylons and she said we must look like dumb and dumber - two grown women riding around on a tiny little bike. It was so funny we couldn't stop laughing but I guess you had to been there to truly appreciate it. Our instructors found us quite funny as well and that is good because we were the last ones to complete the course and our entire class was laughing at us laughing. I needed that laugh just to relax.

The course was so much easier after that and then it was test time. The test was so much easier then the class course and although most of my classmates were REALLY nervous (including Auntie)they made little errors and received a few deductions. I was quite calm and aced my test with a perfect ride! SWEET!

I am now the proud owner of an GM2 licence in the province of Ontario.

Now only if I could use my arms because they are soooooooo sore I can barely butter toast or turn the ignition key in my car.

HELP!

Post Op Update

I should be cooking dinner...

Well we are at 14 days post op and tomorrow we can get him on his feet and see if he can stand in the casts. This should make the whole toileting arrangement go smoother. Not a moment too soon. My chest muscles and lower back muscles are protesting big time! Everytime I breathe it hurts. I was at the doctor last week because I thought I was have heart or lung problems, Not so much...just stop lifting heavy things. Easy for her to say she doesn't have to try to get a 5 year old in and out of bed everyday.

Even scooching him up in his chair or on the couch pulls those pecs and not in a good way.

Now that I have gained some perspective I'm hoping to be able to write a little about this experience for other families who NEED to know what they are getting into.

It sounds all wonderful when the surgeon describes the positive outcomes and that many children are able to walk really well after surgery and rehab.

But they do not do a very good job of describing just how you are going to get through 2 weeks of sheer HELL and then 3 months of rehab to get to the glorious moment of easier movement for the child. Damn Surgeons, such pricks( and ours is a female)(kinda like lady cops, take themselves very seriously)


Suffice it to say it has been an experience, pain, poop, crying and laughing.

If I ever get two minutes to myself again I will tell you about it.

Pediatric Surgery Checklist

Here are a few things that we found very helpful to pack for when we took our 5 year old with Cerebral Palsy in for surgery.

Favorite sleep toy
mini juice boxes (sometimes they don't trust what the nurses are bringing them)
own blanket
own pillow
Extra pillows to prop up parts that have been put in Casts
pull ups (they don't always have enough control)
Children's tylenol or motrin incase they refuse to take the stuff the nurse has in the syringe to squirt in their mouth
Extra towels
Cloths
Wipes
A bucket
Barf Bags

We took him in, in his clothes but we brought his jammies to take him home in

Do a test run on how the child will fit in the car/carseat - Very important! we had to make a last minute call to borrow my parents truck when we realized that the boy and the wheelchair would not fit in the car at the same time. Doh!

Get your rental a week ahead of time so you can test it out, the kids get used to it and you can do the dry run mentioned above. It is worth the extra money.

Take said wheelchair with you. You'll appreciate knowing how everything works and the kid will not throw a fit at yet another new thing.

Read all paperwork very carefully at the hospital - If I would not have gone through our stuff they would have only done the surgery on one side and we would have to go back again. (boo hiss)

Feel free to have the surgeon explain the procedure to you AGAIN so that you know what is going to happen.

if I think of more i will add them.

Gotta go! Patient is calling.

Being a Working Mom SUCKS - Part 2

I am sitting here well past the time that I should be getting ready to go to work. Why? I know this is going to make my life miserable today if I don't get my ass in gear. But I just don't want to. I have a project that is overdue through no fault of my own, I have been waiting and waiting, remindings, asking and pleading for the information I need to complete this project. Now I have to go to the boss and I'm sure there will be a flip out because it should be done already. ANYWAY....

I would think its my strong tendency for avoiding public humiliation that is making me plant my but on the couch and write this silly little diddy instead of getting up and getting my shit together and getting to work.

I just want to play playdoeh with my kids today and read to them and see what's going on in their world. Is that so bad. But with 4 sick days and a vacation day under my belt for January alone, I would think I best get my butt to work. Ugghh!

so I better only spend another moment wallowing in this wasteland of pity and then go try to find an outfit that mildly makes me look put together and get dressed in 10 mins, wrestle the kids into something and get on the move.

Maybe if I don't look like an unfinished project no one will assume that anything is wrong.

Here's to a day that I will be glad when it's over!

Being a working mom Sucks today!

I am having one of THOSE days. My kids are sick. I am at a critical point in a project at work. I am tired from being up all night with kids who "just need someone to talk to" or just want to "cuddle" that is when they are not crapping their pants or coughing so hard they throw up.

I have done 3 set of sheets in the last 12 hours. I am tired. Tired of people coughing and sneezing on me. tired of blowing and wiping noses. tired of changing diapers and sheets. tired of pretending that I am concerned about next steps in this project when I just want to sit on the couch and cuddle my babies.

I took on this extra project because I was bored and wanted to show management that I am capable and interested in co-ordinating these projects...and I am.

It just seems like something always goes wrong at home and interferes with my plans.

I finally got my computer set up so I can link into work from home and manage my email and access docs on our server and that has helped at least for today.

I still just have this guilty feeling that someone is pissed off that I'm not at work. but the reality of it is I'm probably the only one who cares.

And honestly what is most important. My Kids! period.

So I guess I just need to get over it. anyone have some inner peace they can share with me today?
-

What am I worth?

The job search has happened upon me once again. A great job ad appeared in our local paper this weekend and I would be a total DUMBass (again) if I did not apply for it.

It is probably a payscale higher then the job I have now, but similar to duties I have done in the past. So the big questions is what is my salary expectation? In this case i believe more than my current wage is warranted. But how much more???

My experience has been if you do not provide a number on your inital letter... you do not get a call for an interview. So I have to come up with a number.

So I used a little program you can find called Pay Scale which you can find on Workopolis.com. So you plug in your info and the job info and it gives you a range.

In the end I gave a range that was between 25% and 75% of the Pay Scale range. the beginning of the range was just a bit higher than the average wage for this position in my city.

I hope I did not just price myself out of this job.

I am assuming they are willing to pay as they asked for 8 years experience and there is no way you are going to find too many candidates with 8 years expereince that are willing to work for peanuts. (I hope)

Please Please Please let me get a call and at least get an interview.

This job has many of the things I am looking for :
More money
more challenge
CLOSER TO HOME (major major one here)

So keep the fingers and toes crossed. I hope I hear from them before the end of the week. that would be FANTASTIC.
Do you

New Buggy to Push

Seeing as how I was off today I decided to do one thing that would make me feel productive about my day.

I have been trying to search for a new stroller for us. Although the BugaLoo is doing fantastic with his therapy. Even though he is getting stronger and stronger and walking longer and longer. Even though he rarely uses his walker at school anymore (except on those days when it's his turn to take the attendance to the office). There are times when having a stroller for him would make his day and ours more enjoyable. Anywhere there are long distances between destinations, for example; the parking lot and the hospital where he receives his botox injections, the fairgrounds in my hometown, the museum, large all day events like picnics or when we took him to "A Day out with Thomas"

So I started looking today and I really like This Baby. Not sure how economic it will be to ship from the UK but I will check into it. I also found This which will work great and can hold a maximum of 110 lbs.

Time to get dinner started.

Wrapping Party - It's a good thing!

Ah! I just had the most fun.

A few weeks ago I received an invitation for a Wrappping party. mmmmm. What new party plan could this be???

No party plan. Just a Party with a Plan. My friend A invited her girlfriends over for food and drinks and to get their Christmas wrapping done! Oh My God! What a great idea! Why didn't I think of this before. No more mad wrapping a 2AM. What will I do with my time.

Anyway, all teacher, therapist, co-worker, miscellaneous gift exchange gifts WRAPPED!

I still wanted to wrap the kids gifts with the hubster, because HEY that's our thing.

But all the other.. DONE, DONE, and DONE SWEET

And that's a WRAP!

Simplify

I've been seeing this flying around the blogoshpere. People are choosing their word to live by for the upcoming year. I've seen a few, Focus, Purpose, Happiness. My choice for this 2009...SIMPLIFY.

My life is far too complicated and I need to simplify. I need to de clutter I need to learn how to schedule well and say no to the rest. I need to assign some responsibilities to my wonderful spouse and try to to care how he gets them done.

I need to work a deal with my employer to cut my time at work. I need to clear out old clothes, I need to give away our double appliances, I need to clear out the cobwebs, I need to fix those things that need fixing, the towel rack, the receptacle cover the kids book shelf. All of these things will help me limit the self talk that says "why can't you just get it together"

I have been saying that to myself all year and it is just time to STOP. I am a busy woman and I like it that way. that is the way I am most productive. I have to learn to delegate and deal with it. I have to learn to let some things go. there is no reason I can't have things just the way I want. There has got to be a way to get it to all work together and I tell in 2009 I am going to find out!

I'm doing much better this year for Christmas than last Christmas I have a few t-shirts to pick up and a gift for my 7 year old nephew (if you have any ideas let me know)but other than that I am almost done!

I will be mailing out my out of town gifts tomorrow. Unbelievable! I'm feeling pretty good. And best of all I'm not even out of money yet which is awesome since this is where I usually have to perform some creative financing to get everything paid for. then I go crazy getting everything ready for our taxes so I can pay a few things back.

NOT THIS YEAR WOOT.

SIMPLIFY

Busted - yet INSPIRED

Holy Crap did I bust my arse today or what. It was non stop from the time my feet hit the floor this morning till now. Late and tired and crabby.

I don't have too much to say except I am pooped.

I was inspired by a friend today. She was feeling isolated and disconnected and decided to do something about it.

she is throwing a Gift Wrapping Party. What a great concept. Everyone brings a roll of wrapping paper and a few gifts to wrap. the hostess supplies some nibblies and the tape tags and such.

What a great way to connect with you peeps and get some very important work done. I am so freakin proud of her.

Goooooooo A!

Also I managed to get 30 happy holiday cards done for Bugaloo's class so he can hand out holiday cards yippee.

What to do?

I just ate a chocolate bar, two handfuls of large pretzles, and some jube jubes. What the hell is wrong with me???

I am stressed work is sucking, some how no matter how hard I work, I just keep getting farther behind. One by one I am closing down the extra projects that were assigned to me, but my regular tasks seem to be multipling in my desk at night. I am tired. tired of the filing tired of the typing tired of feeling like every hour is sucking the very life out of me.

I know I tend to go through these cycles and I am just in a low spot right now, this always happens as I close off fun and challenging projects and I have nothing to look forward to. I know some new projects will come along but I don't know when.

Also with out going into any details my hubby managed to be a total wenker and made a situation that was about me, totally about him and did not support me in anyway. And I have to say that this is one of those situations where it was such a small thing, but his inability to see the situation from my prespective, made me feel like he does not care and does not understand me. The worst part is I know I need to talk to him about it or it will turn into a big thing. I just don't know how to talk to him without him getting totally defensive and making it about him and not about me. MEN!

At least I ran today eventhough I did not want to and I did feel better afterwards. I know I know I am only holding it at bay because I keep pigging out. I get so mad at myself.

Hoping tomorrow night I will get some scrappin in because that always makes me feel better.

Still crazy busy Wednesday

What a whirl wind week. On top of being sick which is totally hindering passion for life. I had/have a lot of commitments this week.

Work is crazy busy we are testing a new report format and I have to get it done by the end of the week. Others are depending on me to get it done.

I had a great workshop with my Mom's group - we did a special project I whipped up on family trees using a preprinted family tree page and the Creative Memories leaf punch. I wish I had one to show you but I had an extra person show up and did not even get to do my own :( That's okay the ones that the ladies did were absolutely fabulous I know they will be treasured keepsakes in the years to come.

Today just concentrating on getting a little caught up at work.

I also wanted to get my submission in for the 2Scrapbook Friends Design Team call . Since it is my favorite store I thought I would apply. I had a few layouts that I thought would work. Now that I met the deadline I feel more inspired so I don't really know what to do about that. Re-submit new layouts of just hang tight. mmmmm. We'll see how much time I have left before the deadline on Friday.

Hubster is out tonight so maybe I will get some time to myself to contemplate after I get the kids off to bed.

I'm really looking forward to my "empty" weekend. No real plans we'll just go with the flow.

To do List

So many things to do.

-Finish loading software on new laptop and upload some photo cards so I can clear them up
-Laundry (ugh)
-Paperwork from last 3 scrapbooking workshops I have hosted
-Start packing for big workshop next weekend
-finishing touches to CP blog post series for next week (?)
-Up load some photos to share with you guys
-Buy Food
-Clean up office
-Finishing touches on Design Team submissions for 2 Scrapbook Friends
-prepare for busy week next week

:)