Cerebral Palsy Part 4

At a year old, BugaLoo was in regular therapy at KidsAbility Children’s Treatment Centre. He had a team that consisted of a Physiotherapist, Occupational Therapist and a Speech Language Pathologist.

We also had regular appointments with our family doctor and the Pediatrician. Every time I turned around I was loading him in the car, the worst part was, no one had any answers of any kind. “wait and see” was the general approach. “We have no way of knowing” was another ambiguous answer we received.

It was also at this time I had to return to work. Now many Moms of children with disabilities struggle with whether or not to go back to work. I didn’t not have this decision to struggle over…I HAD TO go back to work. There was no choice. Hubby was in the middle of an apprenticeship and had 2 more sessions of school to complete. At the time I was making more money than him AND I had full benefits through my company. There was NO choice! We never would have made it financially if I didn’t go back to work. I had already extended my leave from 6

The first day back to work I was fine until I walked through the front door. I started to cry. I was totally overwhelmed. It was 8:30 am and I already felt like I had put in a full day, getting the baby ready and over to my M-I-L’s. I had to detour to the washroom to collect myself. The next hour was casual chit chat with co-workers and showing the requisite photos. 10:30 am was my first meeting with my boss the then VP of Operations. “How are you doing?” he asked. POOF! I burst into tears. Trust me I didn’t want to but I did. “Are you okay?” Again POOF more tears. “I am fine”, I resolved. “Should we explore a more gradual return to work?, do you need some more time?” he patronized me. “No, I am just a little overwhelmed with my schedule… There might be something wrong with Bug they think it might be Cerebral Palsy” I meeked out. This was the first time I had spoken the sentence out loud and the words haunted me… I said this partly because I knew it would buy me some time to collect my thoughts (while my boss weighed the gravity of my remark) and partly to make him feel bad for patronizing me. We then were able to move forward with a discussion about using my vacation time to take 1 day a week off for appointments for the rest of the year (I returned to work in November) and then we would re-evaluate the situation in January with hopefully more information.

Even those this boss was not my favorite and I did not want to share my personal struggles with him. This was the key to keeping my sanity, working full time and taking care of things for my baby. In retrospect I wish I would have realized what a challenge returning to work would be and spoken with my HR department a month or two before returning so that I could have worked out a plan and returned to work with more confidence instead of all the anxiety and trying to keep my emotions in check.