A funny little story... me and my motorcycle

As you may be aware they past month has not been easy on our family. However, we have perserved to meet our obligations to family, friends and work. Some had to be cancelled ie scrapbooking with my mom's group and co-workers, a charity 5k run and speaking engagement for me and the boy, Dad had to miss a few days of work to help me out when I was just completely overwhelmed and not getting much sleep and the poor girl had to deal with being shuffled around all over the place.

Some obligations could not be cancelled due to policies and amount of money invested. Case in point Motorcycle training course with my Aunt Chopper and it cost me $420.00 for course $17.50 to write my M1 beginners, 15.99 for training manual, $65.00 for pair of leather gloves, $147.00 for new DOT approved helmut and miscellaneous lunch, coffee and snacks. Friday Night, All day Saturday and All day Sunday. Hilarity and sheer grit ensued.

First night is training videos and going over some of the questions that will most likely be on the written test. I really can't recall what went on from 7-10pm because in case you didn't read the beginning of the last paragraph i was EXHAUSTED. they gave us some little booklet and a couple of sheets of paper and I shoved them in my bag. Got home made some cupcakes that are required for a Mother's day dinner that I will not see and left instructions with hubby about how to go about having the kids decorate them. Still no grocery shopping, start scrounging in cupboards for lunch items because I am informed that lunch breaks are actually part of the in class training time. Hubby offers me a beer which I drink because I am a little keyed up now that I know I am literally hours away from driving a motorcycle. Oh and did I mention that at about 9pm it has started to rain and the weather forcast says all day rain for tomorrow. YIP E Fucking EEE!

Saturday... darling little munchkins awake at 5AM for miscellaneous foolery like being cold, needing blankets and having to pee. Don't really get any extra sleep before I give up and get out of bed for good at 6:15 AM. Finish packing up massive lunch, pack RAINSUIT and rest of my gear. Auntie picks me up with fear and excitement in her eyes, I just need a frickin coffee.

Get to course we are second last ones in our seats... who are all these keeners...they obviously don't have children. 5mins we are suited up and out to the bikes....what no kiss first??? Find a bike find neutral and start pushing.

First exercise is to push a partner on the bike to get the feel for balance. Chubby girl dumps bike while trying to make a turn. this is not looking good. I decide to push Auntie first. Pushing Auntie on bike in full rainsuit is like running 5k this sucks! Time for Auntie to push me! I don't think I can do this..... Auntie just pushes me anyway and tells me not to be a sissy. I am trembling but I survive.

Now we have to start the bikes... Is this guy insane didn't he see me trembling I am clearly not ready for this. Oh yes I am. Just keep the clutch in and nothing bad can happen. My clutch hand HURTS ALOT!

It starts to rain, because hey why the hell not. I have paid good money to come out here to learn to ride a motorcycle and I want to be prepared for anything.

We rode in pouring rain, hail, 45 kph winds. About 4pm on Saturday I just pull my bike over to the curb, turn it off, sit down on the curb and cry. When all the instructors rush over to see what is wrong I scream I am FUCKING tired you idiots! We ride until 5:30pm and watch a few more videos.

On the way home we discuss how tired we are and how tomorrow is really going to suck but HEY the weather is supposed to be better tomorrow just a little colder. Note to self: pack turtle neck and extra sweater.

I get home and hubby has taken kids out for dinner, I have a glorious hot shower and proceed to smother my body with A535 and a special Arnica gel my massage therapist gave me. Now I think I smell worse. I take an Advil and wait for it to kick in. We put the kids to bed and hubby says " you better go to...full day tomorrow" Whaaaaaaa!

Sunday I wake up and take a quick inventory ooooouuuucccchhhhh! I don't think it hurts to open my LEFT EYE but that is about it. Every muscle, joint and skin cell is shrieking!

I roll out of bed and start to get ready. Drink my coffee and ignore the regular morning chaos of our house because I know if I lose focus, determination for one second the motivation will leave me and I will curl up in the fetal position and not move for a week.

Auntie picks me up and she looks like how I feel, we don't discuss anything on the way to school, we silently doubt our coping skills and ponder how we will make it through the day.

More riding, but it seems to go better to day, more challenges but feeling alittle more confident. Classroom session The written test - that I did not study for because my body required SLEEP. Write test botch about 3 questions that I knew the answer to. Luckily did not affect my results. We Pass. Thank you Jesus, Budha, Confusious, and all the saints.

Now out for more riding and this is where the funny shit starts happening. We have to do a passenger ride. Auntie just about implodes and she has no interest in this. I have frankly come to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm willing to try anything. I travel as a passenger first since I travel as a passenger all the time and I'm good at it. Besides I could use more of a break. It is a weird feeling and we make it through our obstacle course with more than a few chuckles. Now it's my turn to drive and she will NOT get on the bike. WHAT!
Me: Get on the bike
Her: Not sure if I can
Me: What do you mean? Get on the bike?
Her: This doesn't feel safe? Are you sure?
Me: Sure I'm sure I'm not about to do anything if I don't think it's safe. GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: I don't want to.
Me: I dont' care! we are the last ones, get on the damn bike!
Her: Okay Let me see.
Me: One foot then the other and GET ON THE BIKE!
Her Okay okay! But you go home and tell your dad you killed his sister!
Me: Fine! it's okay there are 4 more of you, I'm good!
Her: Not funny!
Me: GET ON THE BIKE!
Her: Hey this is not so bad, you're doing good, keep going, you're doing good, good balance, nice shoulder check, good gear shift.
ME: Auntie if you want to live you need to SHUT UP so I can focus and not get us hurt.

Hilarity ensued and we laughed our way through the course as I ran over a few pylons and she said we must look like dumb and dumber - two grown women riding around on a tiny little bike. It was so funny we couldn't stop laughing but I guess you had to been there to truly appreciate it. Our instructors found us quite funny as well and that is good because we were the last ones to complete the course and our entire class was laughing at us laughing. I needed that laugh just to relax.

The course was so much easier after that and then it was test time. The test was so much easier then the class course and although most of my classmates were REALLY nervous (including Auntie)they made little errors and received a few deductions. I was quite calm and aced my test with a perfect ride! SWEET!

I am now the proud owner of an GM2 licence in the province of Ontario.

Now only if I could use my arms because they are soooooooo sore I can barely butter toast or turn the ignition key in my car.

HELP!