An email and I cried.

I can't remember if I mentioned it here or not and I can't be bothered to look for it right now.

At the end of August we said goodbye to the boy's Physiotherapist. She had been our therapist for a little over a year, probably one the the longest terms we have had with a physio as we have experienced alot of turn over due to maternity leaves, leaving for husbands, jobs, transitioning to a school age program and worse lay-offs and service cuts.

She was with us this year as were prepared for and experienced a new school year and a major surgery. She was there for us as we rehabbed from this surgery and helped the boy get to a place where he could see that he had more ability than before the surgery. Not easy for a kid who was in full leg casts and a wheelchair for 8 weeks.

She is from the east coast and came here to go to school and ended up getting a job here so she stayed a few more years.

This year however, as she traveled home for several family events and a wedding, she became a little withdrawn. Never with the children, but as an observer I could tell something was off. Without being nosey I assumed maybe a break up with a boyfriend or other relationship or work matters. I never asked.

But by the end of the summer she sat in a annual review meeting and told us that she would be done at the end of August and she was moving back home. I was very upset to say the least. She has been a total blessing to us, she is able to get the best work from my son, he adores her, she is straightforward with me and provides me with any and all information I request from her.

On the other hand I put myself in her shoes and realized how lonely she must be here and how if I live on the coast by the ocean, I'm sure I would only yearn to be back there. Hell I have lived in my region(never more than 15 mins from where I was born) my WHOLE life. I can only imagine her homesickness. So with a brave face for my son and for her I smiled and said how happy I was for her. When on the inside I was grieving.

Fast forward to today when I received an email from her where I could literally feel her happiness with each word she wrote. I won't lie I cried like a baby because I still miss her so much. I think I am fearful that the boy won't do as well or that I will do something wrong without her guidance. Probably because she helped us through an emotional decision (major surgery) and the surgery and rehab was also such an emotional and exhausting time for our family. Maybe that's why I get so emotional. Can you tell I'm emotional? (over use of the word)

We still have no replacement Physio and have been on our own for the last 4 weeks trying to muddle through and create our own treatment program and workout schedule and trying not to FUCK up all the progress that she/we made this summer.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted that this is my problem but then I shouldn't because hey he is my kid and his success is in direct proportion to what I put into raising him. So with that I suck it up and smile.

I sent her back a great update email with all that the boy is doing and being and accomplishing.

And then I cried again. I miss her so much!

Perhaps, it is the strong fear that brings up the emotions