What to do?

I just ate a chocolate bar, two handfuls of large pretzles, and some jube jubes. What the hell is wrong with me???

I am stressed work is sucking, some how no matter how hard I work, I just keep getting farther behind. One by one I am closing down the extra projects that were assigned to me, but my regular tasks seem to be multipling in my desk at night. I am tired. tired of the filing tired of the typing tired of feeling like every hour is sucking the very life out of me.

I know I tend to go through these cycles and I am just in a low spot right now, this always happens as I close off fun and challenging projects and I have nothing to look forward to. I know some new projects will come along but I don't know when.

Also with out going into any details my hubby managed to be a total wenker and made a situation that was about me, totally about him and did not support me in anyway. And I have to say that this is one of those situations where it was such a small thing, but his inability to see the situation from my prespective, made me feel like he does not care and does not understand me. The worst part is I know I need to talk to him about it or it will turn into a big thing. I just don't know how to talk to him without him getting totally defensive and making it about him and not about me. MEN!

At least I ran today eventhough I did not want to and I did feel better afterwards. I know I know I am only holding it at bay because I keep pigging out. I get so mad at myself.

Hoping tomorrow night I will get some scrappin in because that always makes me feel better.

Running Group

The best thing about running with a group:
They motivate you to run when you don't feel like it.

The worst thing about running with a group (for me) When someone is not doing as well as you, you have to slow down and go their pace so they don't get left behind.

I had really hoped to be moving a little faster a little longer distance. But since I run with 2-3 other ladies we have been trying to run at a pace for everyone.

I have tried running off of our preset schedule to get a long run in by myself, but someone always wants to tag along.

It's probably for the best for me, if I was on my own maybe I would push too hard to fast and end up with an injury. So I will thank the universe and just keep plugging away.

Have a great day!

Running

Today is going to be such a busy day. I thought I had better get online and GIT R Done! Posting that is.

Today is a school day for the bug so we packed the library book, the homework book, the lunch, the shoes, the mitts. I hope that was all that had to go today.

Me I have a full day of work today and then a meeting tonight for my Creative Memories team. It should be fabulous! but it will be late and I always dislike those long days at the beginning of the week.

We are kicking out running program in the ass again this week, since a few of us have been sick we have kinda been loafing it for awhile, I think I have been only running once or twice a week for 20-25 mins for the past month. NOT GOOD!

So I'm sure lunch will not be pretty at the office today but we are going to do it!

So I packed my two meals, my clothes my work that I brought home, I sent the email with the work that I completed and now I have exactly 27 minutes to get dressed and do my hair and get The Bug on the bus.

Oh ya and I had better drop the Peanut at my in-laws, who knows what she would do to the house if I left her to her own devices.

I even got a chance to work on a few pages and projects last night. I'll put some finishing touches on and photo them for my post tomorrow.

I just registered for the coolest forum and YOU CAN TO Click Here, its called Art Unleashed by my new friend Karan and her friend Patti.

Have a great day!

iPod Shuffle - My new friend

My brother is so cool. awhile ago I sent him an email that if anyone was looking for an idea for my birthday I would really appreciate an iPod shuffle, since it looks like I am sticking with the running this so far.

So yesterday I got a cute little pink package with a purple bow on it with a fully loaded iPod shuffle.

Thanks Bro!

Now my little brother has a sense of humour! I have a few wonderful surprise on there so far. Like Elvis (which was a good surprise) Leonard Cohen (ok surprise) Feist singing 1,2,3,4 which I could do without!

Ha ha.

Anyone have any gotta have's for my playlist?

Simon Whitfield - ROCKS

Did anyone see the coverage of the Olymipic men's triathlon. I did and it was AWESOME. Simon struggled with the heat and pacing. In the last two kms he fell behind and I thought the day was done.

He threw off his hat and poured on the inspiration to close a 15 metre gap and pushed through to come in 2nd for the silver medal. I have goose bumps just typing this.

He is so funny. Afterwards I saw an interview with him where he was talking about the differences between seasoned athletes and first timers. He said he was in the staging area listening to his IPOD and playing some games with some of the guys while other "first time" athletes were warming up doing big stretches and little sprints.

He said he just sat back and chuckled to himself." That's it boys, its really HOT out there, go ahead and warm up some more"

I just find him so inspiring, he is such a straightforward, no nonsense, say what's on his mind kinda guy.

I tell you that is what I was thinking as I was funning by myself yesterday for 16 mins without stopping 2 times in a row. Yeah for me! It felt good! Finally!

I might also have a "little" crush on simon whitfield - can you tell?

Friday Post - Life Balance

This post is a perfect example of Life Balance. I realized that my blog was lacking some intellectual content. I mean I'm sure my family and a few of my friends appreciated the updates but I kept getting emails asking if I was okay because the tone, and wit of my usual communication was not coming through. I do not have time to come up with a witty intelligent post everyday. I also can't rely on photos to entertain you as previously posted I have computer issues. So I sat down to decide what I could manage, and now I am trying to make that work for me. Hence the polls that have started and the topical Friday posts. Yeah for me!

That in a nutshell is Life Balance. Decide what you want to do and then figure what part of that is manageable. ACCEPT that under perfect circumstances you would do it all and do it perfectly, but because the circumstances are less then perfect you will do what you can manage and KNOW in your heart that you have contributed in a way that makes you happy. Do I sound like Pollyanna?

Life Balance is about managing your expectations. Not lowering them! Hear me very clearly! Managing them. We all want to make contributions. Many of us have been raised with the notion that we can have it all! What "they" forgot to tell us is that we will require lots of help, have to make LOTS of sacrifices and generally question ourselves on a daily basis. Great! Where does that leave us?

For me personally what does this look like I will give you a glimpse.
-I HAVE to work (I have the heath and dental benefits)
-I stay up late on Tuesdays because that is the only creative time I have
-I run almost everyday at lunch because I only have 3-4 hours with my kids after work and that is more important than my waist line.
-I run because I need to be healthy to take care of my family
-I communicate with my friends via email because its the only way for me to maintain some type of communication on a regular basis right now (this hurts me and I'm working on it)
-Local friends I try to see once every 6 weeks (this is what I can manage right now)
-Out of town friends not.so.much! (I even missed my god daughters birthdays this year and that really really SUCKS)

-My husband and I don't have date nights but we do have dinner together almost ever night and we spend a 1/2 hour together almost everynight after we get the kids to bed. This is what we do for us and yes there are some nights that I give up my creative time or Grey's Anatomy so that I can make love with my husband, because hey he's HOT and after all this time he still makes me tingly.

-I volunteer with KIDSABILITY (where the bug has therapy)
-We give one donation a year to Kidsability and turn everyone else away although I have supported other organizations who are selling something I would have purchased otherwise (ie christmas cards)

I have found that life balance for me has been about focusing on what I wanted when I started out in my twenties, (which was being a mom and having a happy marriage and being a successful person) and what that means to me each year. Trying to make that work and not get too lost in all the other images and expectations that I am bombarded with on a daily basis. There are so many things that I get interested in and want to do or participate in, but I have to ask myself if it will help our hurt my original goals of "happy family". Somethings I can make room for, somethings will only cause a temporary imbalance and will be beneficial in the long run. Somethings I just have to pass on and say no. I would have to say that these are the hardest decisions.

I don't claim to have all the answers this is what helps me. I was planning on linking a bunch of information but I am running out of time. Ahh the delicate balance. Maybe I will put this on the poll for next week.

Right now I have to go because if I don't get to work we are going to have an "IMBALANCE" if I get fired.

Have a great day! Let me know what you think?

Shannon :)

Running and Buggies

Well first of all I have to apologize to everyone in the free world who is looking for the Bugaloo Baby Buggy Stroller. The word search activity on that phrase connecting people to my blog has been extreme. I wish I knew more about the stroller all I do know is that it was out of my price range and therefore I stopped looking for it.

AND THEN.... I hope instead of finding your stroller you found a little humour with a tip here and there to make your life easier.

AND THEN... for those of you who travelled here due to a search on Cerebral palsy. I will do my best to provide a few more posts on this subject in hopes of helping you out, treatment, behaviour, parenting, school, my personal feelings, fundraising,etc. You tell me what you would like to know>>>.

AND THEN.....

Running, it is going well as far as running goes... we are upto 7 mins of continuous running before we take a 1 minute break so all in all not bad. Am I losing any inches YES Ma'am. Am I losing any weight Hell NO and I am PISSED off (with a capital P) How can so much work not reap any rewards in the weight loss category. Boo Hiss. And the first person who tells me it's because I am gaining muscle mass can take a long hard suck on my lily white A$$! I want to see those numbers drop damn it!

AND THEN.... No more and then For now!

Riding the Good Times

I guess late spring was a little depressing in our house. I just couldn't seem to get it together and I had, zero motivation to do anything. Even the blog posts were crappy.

I guess I just needed to get in to the swing of summer because things have picked up in my brain. Obviously the 30 min commute to work on a beautiful day helps.

Today is another beautiful day! So I am committed to running at lunch today even though my legs are a little sore from yesterdays run.

We really need a new bed! I guess that is the main obstacle we face right now. Every morning the two of us wake up with sore backs. Now this wouldn't be so bad if we just had to get a new mattress and box spring but it is never that easy is it? We actually need bedroom furniture, or atleast a real bed. For Christ's sake we are in our late 30's this is our second marriage for both of us... you would think one of us would have a real bed. Not so much!

So we are stuck between a romantic wrought iron style and a darling wood and fabric headboard style that is totally functional because it has drawers underneath and we only need to purchase a new mattress. I am definately sold on the functional piece, but hubby is still on the fence. I gave him 24 hours to decide because damn! a girl needs her beauty sleep.

Next week we have an appointment with a social worker at our Children's treatment centre to discuss the best way to communicate with Bugaloo about his cerebral palsy. He has started to point out differences in people and has asked why certain people walk funny or talk funny or use different equipment. I don't think he has really equated himself as different yet, but I want to be prepared for this discussion when it happens. I guess I am so afraid of saying something that will scar him for life. I suppose I should be satisfied that anything said in love will not scar him for life but the hyper paranoia in me wants professional confirmation of that.

Hope everyone enjoys their day!

Friday!

TGIF.

What a week it's been I don't know if I am still recovering from my weekend at Dover or what. I am so glad I didn't have any activities for the kids this week because i was in bed at 9:30 every night and I'm still tired.

Atleast, the peanut slept through the night and did not come in to say hello at 2:30 AM.

I think she was getting cold (because she kicked all her covers off) so then she would come in to our room to snuggle for 10 mins and then go back to her bed to go to sleep.
oy!

Tonight we are camping in the living room after having a pizza picnic. This is our first step into actual camping. We'll see how it goes. Then we are off to t-ball tomorrow morning. Hopefully the peanut does not throw up in the car. Then good friends of ours are having a bbq party at their new house and Sunday we are celebrating father's day and the June birthdays for my side of the family. I had better get some cards made and some shopping done CRAP!

So it will be a busy weekend and then I have to start packing for our trip to Windsor next weekend.

Hope the rain holds off for my run at lunch today. PS I survived the long legged partner yesterday. I had to stop a few times but we are a pretty good match.

I learned I need to run faster. Practice makes perfect.

Have a great day!

Switching it up!

My regular running partner is gone to a conference for the rest of the week. So I decided to switch things up a little and will be running with a BOY today!

A co-worker who used to sit across from me has also joined our little running club and his regular partner is not running today either so we decided to give it a try.

We'll see how I do considering he is 6'2" and I am 5'4". That and he is used to running without a break and the longest I have run consecutively is 5 mins.

Hopefully we can compromise and both of us will make it back alive!

Not much creative stuff going on lately...I guess I've been a little SWAMPED at work.

I really have to start studying for my Life License exam soon. I will have to see if I can extend my deadline to write. I really did not focus on it and it has snuck up on me.

That's about it for now. Tracey has a great post from yesterday about why men are so willing to let their wives do everything (lazy).

You may find it interesting.

Big Thanks to JENN I still feel great. Although I'm sure this noon hour run is not going to help.

Now I know I have lost my mind.

It is almost 30 degrees outside and I am about to go for a run at work. Then come back in and attempt to work for the rest of the afternoon.

Nuts! Just nuts!

We'll see if I survive. May have to investigate a treadmill.

I'm no woosie!

Kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubblegum!

I'll let you know if I survive!

Choices - This is where I find myself

So here I am I find myself working in a job than gives me little challenge, little creativity and little human contact. However, the hours are fairly flexible, I can come and go as I please within reason and letting my supervisor know ahead of time. I get paid a decent wage and have a average benefits program. I have a crappy commute and am at least 20-25 minutes away from home and my kids school if anything happens. I have 4 weeks holiday plus 1 extra day. This is my JOB.

I had an interview today for a job that will become a career. It only cuts 5-7 minutes off my commute (crap). It has longer hours (by 2.5 per week) No real flexibility you can choose 1 of 3 start times and end times, but after I told them about the Bug and Therapy schedules, they claimed to be reasonable about the whole "work/home/life balance thing. A little more money about $2/hr. Customer/client interaction, document and presentation development, actual thinking and proposing out of the box solutions. Benefits program (starting immediately) not sure about vacation but I am assuming 2 weeks.

I'm sure the latter will leave me with less time to scrapbook and pursue my creative interests. but there seems to be potential for growth and increase my knowledge, professional credentials and earning power.

Do I need a job or a career???

I need a good therapist. Would it be wrong to use my current companies Employee Assistance Program to get a counselor to help me figure this out.

It didn't help that even though I was candidate 2 out of 6, she already asked my availablility for a 2nd interview to meet the team!

I thought I would be more excited, maybe I'm just scared to change. Which is so unlike me.

Plus, I found out at work today that they have been given the go ahead to hire some additional admin support that I would have access to, so maybe I could get a friggin break!

I just don't know. I feel like choose the career position will just create more pressure to perform in my life. I just got to the point that I feel incontrol. I stopped working the extra hours to "finish the job or complete one more task" If it doesn't get done I push it on my supervisor and when she gets tired of doing it she will hire someone to help. I am enjoying my lunches with my co-workers, running and participating in company functions like a normal human being. I have time to run a few errands at lunch. My life is good other than being bored silly the whole time I'm working.

I suppose if I set the same expection if I get the new job I could have the same type of thing.

I just don't know.

Any advice.

Everything is Okay!

A quick shout out to my friend Jenn, before she has a cow and calls the cops. The Bang I heard while doing last post was indeed nothing. Just the kids screwing around in the living room and knocking the wipes container off the coffee table.

If you are interested in a well written interesting blog, be sure to check out my friend Tracey.

Went running today at lunch. It was nice in the cooler weather we have today. I didn't sweat sooooo much.

We had our TOPS weigh in yesterday and I lost 2.3 lbs, so it appears the running is working. Hopefully, I can maintain the loss into the next week. But I won't be disappointed if I don't. I already fit into a pair of capris that were tagged for donation because they were too tight when I tried them on at the beginning of April. WOOT! I am so excited.

Nothing particularly witting or interesting to say today.

I have read sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling. It was a quick read and not a bad book. But tragically I think that is because I got hooked on Tori and Dean : INN LOVE because I am mentally unstable. So take that for what it is worth.

I guess I have a better appreciation for the fact that what you see on the outside is not always how it is on the inside. This book is a great read for anyone who enjoys knowing that everybody else's problems are just like yours.

Running - Sucks!

As some of you know I have been attempting to move my FAT ASS more in an attempt lose a few LBs of the old caboose.

I cleaned up my eating habits and dropped a few pounds but I can't live on what I have been eating and NOT drinking. HOLY Give a girl a BEER will ya!

So.... In order to partake in the occasional beverage I have started moving. I hooked up with a girl that I work with who used to be part of the running club that we had a work. We are both whiners and complainers but we don't take that shit from anyone else, so it works... we whine, we complain and then we call each other sissys, and nancy pants (no offence to the Nancy's out there)and tell each other to move your ASS.
We decided that we would walk and then attempt a running program as it is the only way we feel we can cancel out the BEER.

So I went to the Running Room and bought these. Well not exactly, mine are Wave Rider 10's which is probably why I was able to get them for $96.00 instead of 149.99.

I hate to admit it but I do feel better since we have started our little program. The running really does clear the clutter from my head and I feel stronger and the 3 flights of stairs at work are no longer my arch nemisis.

We run at lunch so it doesn't impact the rest of my day to much.

I hate to say it but it seems like it is working.